The Message

From what I have seen at many deathbeds, the energy body simply rises out of the physical one, usually from the region of the head. Most often a person moves into a space filled with a creamy or golden living light. Sometimes it is slower, more like a gentle floating upward through layers of color and emotion. And no matter what stage you are in, helpers are standing by right on the other side, usually family: a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a sibling.

Because the greatest gift is losing the fear of death. When it goes, people change: material gain matters less, compassion and service matter more, and love moves to the center. And it’s never too late. Words left unsaid can still be said. “Death is not what separates us from the departed; fear is.”

For me, their presence often comes as a tingling: a sparkling, electric feeling that starts at my head and flows down over my skin like goose bumps. Another sign may surprise you. A sudden surge of grief often means the person you love is standing right beside you. Then follow my four little rules: stay with your truest emotion, talk out loud, look for images and messages inside yourself, and ask the deceased questions directly.

We are going “not to a place of judgment, but to a place of compassion.” I will never forget Lorella, a woman who had lived in strict obedience to her church. Three days after her death she came to me in a whirlwind of rage: she had just found out that heaven and hell don’t exist. There was no one up there to reward or punish her. What she faced instead was her own honest look at what she had done with the gift of life. Our beliefs can shape the first days after death, but difficult adjustments are usually short, and someone is always there to help.

Most people take about three days to get their bearings, and then they often “get it” in one revelatory flash. Those who were ill for a long time often need a kind of vacation first, to recover in deep safety and warmth. Then comes the joy of new freedom. “Look! I can walk again!” shouted an aunt of mine who had spent the last nine years of her life in a wheelchair. She wasn’t just walking, she was skipping and flying.

Completely normal. Surveys put the share of people who report contact with the dead at 42 to 72 percent. Among widows it can reach 92 percent, and 75 percent of parents who lost a child had an encounter within a year. Sadly, 75 percent of all those who had encounters never told anyone, for fear of ridicule. You don’t have to be a saint, a shaman or a medium. The tools you need are already part of you, and you use them every day.

Many people are afraid they’ll open a door to something evil. Films have taught us that, not experience. “Truthfully, there is nothing out there that can really harm you.” Among the thousands upon thousands of collected accounts of after-death communication, not one mentions an encounter with a so-called earthbound spirit. If you feel uneasy, set your intentions clearly before you try to make contact. They will protect you.